Sperm & Eggs

Attraction

Imagine the scene. A man and woman sit across from each other at a restaurant table. A waitress steps up and hands them a menu, which they duly open.

The only ‘choice’ listed inside is spam and eggs. The man orders and is asked how he likes his eggs. He says he is not fussy. ‘How ever they come,’ he adds. He is interested only in filling the space that occupies his belly. If the yolk is hard this time or the white undercooked and congealed, perhaps they won’t be the next. He is the more likely of the two to pay the restaurant a visit on another occasion. To become a patron, even.

His partner, on the other hand, is insistent on choosing the best variety of spam available. When she asks to see the ‘Specials Board’, the waitress explains that ‘specials’ in relation to spam is an oxymoron. She has a University degree. Her studies have prepared her for this job. Instead, she points to a board that lists all of the different varieties.

It is a pleasant surprise to the diners – or at least a surprise – that spam actually comes in 18 different flavours. There is Spam Teriyaki, for instance. Spam Cheese, Spam Macadamia Nuts even. If she had her way, the female diner would request a more superior egg accompaniment – pancetta perhaps – but the fact is that spam is the only other ingredient on offer.

To hear the audio version of the introduction, please play the track, below (S&E Introduction):